just feel that is getting more and more difficult to keep up with a smile. sometimes just sometime...

reflection on 8 oct 2011.

Actually till now then i realise, there are indeed many things in life you are not able to learn at this moment. people may say if you dont do now, u may not have the chance but the thing is that u really cannot learn!! hahas. so why not think this way, work hard now so that in future you may have the chance! the point is: dont give up! haha!

reflection on 24 sept 2011

people always say: write down what you really want and think so that you can confirm with yourself. So now is time that I should really plan for my life and get it done and plan a step by step move. Even though I have already placed the wrong move in almost 3/4 of the game but I am going to gamble it all in the last 1/4 hope that my determination can hold on and move on with every obstacles I meet. whether will I achieve my goals,it all depend on miracle and fate now. For is I am the one responsible for all the move i take and think.. For once I really pray deep in my heart. Really hope I get all the assistance I need and not find any excuses

slowly ba... hahas ... haiz. i will try....... but really can't i will really give up

trying my best not to let my pride bring me down, but then... ... =)

i guess this is when i finally admit that i am not great nor magnanimous , but i know i am myself now =D treasure all before is gone. =)

i remember how to smile to problems like in the past. =) seems so long ago. oo well, people grow and learn. but when growing have we forgetting something important in our life?

hahas. when my problem just solve not long ago, i cant believe i start helping and encouraging people already. remember not long ago, i just promise myself i wont initiate to help people so soon till i am fully recovered. hah! some problem seems only to worsen but can't solve. i got a feeling from tuesday will be a tough route again. my trust for her is a little too low now, unless she can show me her trust. but one thing i promise myself, is not to tell people my problem if they themselves have never gone through. Cause they wont understand. Next, take up all the responsibility. if ask for help beware of the draw back. which i learnt not long ago. which causes me to change my phone that can last me 4 days w/o charging. hahas. i never blame anyone, but i expect a sorry! atleast... no matter what.

if not for your gf, i will have torture you to death. you 2 sided man, hate people who backstap. so fake! i can argue with you but you doesnt even worth my arguement. eee. hate people who are fake and do other stuff. i won't torture you does mean i let it down. just wait ba... ... u should have a taste back

wooo.. internship finally end. my life can finally slow down alittle. actually when it end i actually quite happy, not because of lesser work, is because i feel that i have achieve and learnt really alot. eventhough my internship is somehow sometime stress but then when i think about it' atleast i learn more than other people. to be honest, i actually only feel that i only overwork myself once is when my colleague call me come at 830 and work till 8 pm with out breadfast( cause too rush. hahas) and lunch and dinner. that time is really.. WA... you know. cause i always feel, even if she dont agree with the same theory, she could atleast help, and not ignore, no matter what we are still same team and my boss colleague also agree with my logic cause my boss is on leave. and i did check the net that broth diffusion peameate will remain the same colour as the feed. but oo well... amazing i am not angry, i was just thinking maybe is a good chance to prove her, but she wouldnt listen. that why now i everything also call my boss to ask her, hahs! is also that time i realise that i can actually plan in my head in second. wow. i am really amaze by myself, cause she also never teach me how to do, just tell me need to do and walk off. is not i dont want to tell her to help me or tell my boss, is because i was thinking if i was her and people ignore my theory and carry on do and i was very confidence how would i react?hahas, and what for soil the relationship. and she really help me alot that why i cant really complain, must accept the way she is. hahas And sometime i automatically compare with other people, why other no need stay as late as me, but then i always feel is ok. cause i am really learning alot more. really alot. and i mean hands on. cause reading wise, i weekend also have to think how to improve my protocol, research and think. so confirm more then them, eventhough tired i am happy that i everyday dont have to do the same thing over and over again, atleast i get to analyse my own experiment. most important die or late also must eat breadfast, to prevent same senerio. sometime is not because i am late, is because i know if i come early, i also cant get to do my work, cause the place or equipment is being use, and i know around what timei can use.
to sum up what i learn: patience is the best flower in the garden of life! plan up to work/second. adapt to myself to other people fellings. think while doing. ( cause i would normally think and plan the rush through the work!) hahas. believe my boss hehe. and lastly is to plan my work really really well.
but i realise i really hate one thing. those people that dont know anything and just comment and comment is really irritating. so i just do and dont bother explaining to them, they are serious not asking they are like commenting. ooo well... work life. what to do.
not matter what, if i were to grade my internship. i will grade 9.5/10 cause i really got a good boss and co-boss (even though she sometime really... and she is oinh oinh)(her leadership skills also... torture me. ba!)but she is still great, and i really learn alot about science and myself. i believe i did my best, right mce. ;) ! yeah eventhough my co-boss is suppose to help me in my project, i believe i did my best to finish up most of my work on the day not matter how late so that my boss wont ask her help to do and complete. cause i thought she is really busy with her stuff.(true or not i really dont know, cause i always think if she's free she will come to help me asking). lastly thanks the people who had helped me in my internship, and is fun having fun colleague around. not all but most. =) the end

die. mce going to have the fever feeling.... eeeee...... i hate the feel

compete for revenge isn't what i want to do. just to tell you. =) that doesnt mean i am free for feed

for some reason i just can't stop laughing how stupid i am... ... hahs! need to learn management skills. many many more!

i miss, and really miss

hmm.. seems to be so long since i have such a peaceful smile in my heart. the wind seems to be gushing to my mind, the sound of the rain drop seems to match so nicely with the classical music i am listening and the tingling feeling of the rain droping on me really make me feel like i am still in the past living everyday with so much joy and happiness. it really put my heart at ease, smiling through the rain and set me thinking calmly. the touch of the rain drop feel so refreshing and the gushing and howling of the wind seems to be telling me: dont worry... i will come again if you ever need me again. before i went up my house, i said: thank you, thank you for letting me feel at peace and let me realise everything will end, just how fast and soon it will be. lastly i say thank you for leting me remember everything will change but some things will remain in my soul though time and just wait, what meant to be back will be back, for at least I(mother nature) will be there again if you really meet with challenging endeavours again. the smile that i lost so long ago....

if is misunderstanding i still can understand barely, like my past sec school mates, but my heart wont let it pass. however, this time is out of fun, really dont know how to let it down. mce dont want to go to violent path again and vulgar again but... ... i really cant believe someone can actually stop my childishness which i created and make me so serious. or does it just means that is time for me to grow up. is really amazing

there a reason why i am childish and i dont want to get serious. haiz. my life have offically beocme complicted again. i guess i am used to a few month of peaceful life but the fire line have started sparkle again.

i not sure how long has it been since i felt so much negative opinion about one person. i am not even sure if i have this much negative thought about one person before. if u read what i have type, try to talk to me about work and nothing else. just in case i could not hold my temper towards you. this time you really gone overboard.

From now on I will only treat you as a colleague and wont placed any more trust. In the matter of fact I never place trust in people and I am only trying out slowly to be open. I believe in you so I told you a little more about myself than the other and yet I can’t believe you still can play when my family is in concern. As what Binoy as said I should take responsibility in what I do and is my fault in the first place that risk using someone handphone to send the sms. If not u won’t even have a chance to play. From now on I will resume my secondary school forge policy. Anti-trust policy which I set to myself. Sorry, this time round I can’t take any more risk. I am already in a stormy ride with my family now u have successful put it in a tsunami crisis. And I just realize, the more close I am to a person the more harm I will get. Same to the secondary friend which I am close to. Which sparkle the stormy ride in my life. And seriously, I really don’t know other words to use other than the f word. Cause this is F insane. I hope just I won’t use the word hate again. Which I have a extremely bad experiences using the word once to a person i treasure alot in my sec life.

mce wont lead people now. cause i know i still have much to learn and culture before i can bring people to greater heights. but i will lead those willing to follow and believe in the same destination.

u know what make me sad? is when i cant make the people i want happy and not possible to see the person smile.

actually i wanted to go wu shu, i have prepared all my equipment but then my heart devoid me the courage of going. maybe i realise now why people shouldn't know too much of you

if your heart isn't happy, this prove that u shouldn't give up. but then... will tears pour if carry on? will the out come be detrimental? actually the main thing is will i be able to overcome the heart burden or obstacle? i have experience one sem of intense heart trama, that why i understand i am not as good as i know i am.

any good friend want buy me a acroustic guitar ??

till now then i understand the phrase 无心之针才是最痛的。suddenly there is alot of things spark in my brain and just feel like getting lots of answer.

haven even work stress liao. sian

i am confident to make u laugh, but then the ways may seems inapporiate, that's why i need to constrain myself. which i hate the most!! that's the problem. haiz. need to think of few ways to make people happy. hahas. now i will always take in third factor!! hehe

sad case

early in the morning wake up, dont feel like going to work liao. first thing i wake up, think will it be same hectic as yesterday. then boin! go back to sleep liao. so decided to eat a full full breadfast to brighten up my day. then come office, the first thing is people come talk logic with me. wa piang eh, suddenly hear the voice so vex... haiz.. now have to get to work. =( suddenly one bit of motivation also dont have.ooo well. since mood = doom. so lets' get to work now. haiz.

you know normally i have the usual way of motivating people and console them by making them smile and enable to relax. but i feel the effect dont last long and sometime is difficult. you know what! i actually try a new way, is to relax and slowly make them smile and relax again. but then i forgot about third factor. OMG again, haiz... cause this way is actually more easy and long lasting even i cant make them smile. haiz.. but atleast i am able to learn few things, this way i am sure is effective but difficult, next external factor, lastly is a secret! secret! hahs! but then i dont really like my life to be so hectic. comfirm fall sick easily. OMG!!! hahas. i know i can be a great validator which include a motivator and some other more .. ooo well lets take it step by step .. hahas .. let rest. good night! smile

hectic life. fist time ever!!

wow... today i never be this busy before. i actually had to plan my time exactly every second to complete my stuff and cover my lunch break!!... when i finish thinking i waas like saying... WTH. hahas. but i always thought eventhought expt when worng is impt to know what and where went wrong.. ooo well. hahas. but atleast i know one think... suddenly i feel so curel( cannot elobrate) hahas. suddenly one shot i have to do. haiz. but then suddenly i learn something interesting about the analysis protocol. hmm.. can help me in my futher analysis. yeah. you know what, after work when i went to meet my friend to discuss work, i actually have a slight fever and headache which only happen on exam. OMG! hahas... and worst of all, i accidently sputter 2 vulgar language. really abit cannot handle. no breadfast only milo and lunch till 6. can die ar. is not i dont want take 5 min break. cause if i only eat litle bit, i will even feel more hungry and totally cant work! haiz. so might as well go fast. just that lower efficiency level. atleast i can work. hahas. jia you!!

mce will let go of all obstacles that will constrain me. let go i will say, but can bonds be let go? hahas. mce will move on futher and higher and as well pulling and motivating with those bond that i will treasure. =D

people always mention, if only, but how much if only can you fullfill it? hahas. smile. =)

我为你开心，却。。。 。。。 笑一笑明天会更好。

I DECIDED! hahas. to be a validator my idea come from a video. hahas... actually i have been thinking for quite sometime untill recently something happen at my wu shu training and just happen after that is leo camp. then just happen i just suddenly feel like being a validator. you know what i am good at??!! ans is .. .... .... NOTHING. opps there's one. craping. hahas. i know if i can accept everyone for who they are and for what they are and understand them and their feelings. i am sure i can crap and make people smile and let everyone to be happy. to be honest i still know accept everyone for who there are, but then i can accept other people even if they dont accept me and let them smile, i am sure it will be a whole new different story! of course till the main point i will still want money and some fame though. hahas... but till then let us have fun!!! hahas

after watching a video i actually roughly know what i wanted but still cant confirm that that i really want it... ... i will update again. this rough idea. since to be honest even though some people consider me as a fast learner but to be honest i know myself as really slow learner and dont really have sports genes in my cell apart from badminton. hahas. give me 3 day to ponder about it =)

seems that my life is going through another wave... let see if i myself can handle it calmly

mce will grow up... ...

HEHE!! today i go eat swensens. hahas.. was nice. hmm.. but i oder bbq half chicken butthe chicken look so small!!! dont know got cheat me or not eat finish also not full but the cookie and cream submit make up to my fullness hahas. so was yummy yummy. then my bosses and me go walk walk and home sweet home. yum yum. tomorrow still got birthday party... how not become fat.. =( yum yum =D

for some reason i feel like laughing at myself ... hah! ;/

you know what's the worst thing that could happen... ... is when your words can't reach anymore and words are useless forever.

recently learnt alot of things, not talking about my internship. cause that i will really learn alot hahas. i learnt how to make sushi and some of the food that i never thought it existed. like the vineger for rice and japanese mayonise. and my sushi is very nice!! and i eat alot. hehe and cope other people de. hahas. first time playing "kinet" quite fun eh, but is supper tiring. make me needed to buy soya bean drink to replenish my protein before i go home !! yummy yummy.. hahas. btw have fun to malaysia my fierce fierce supervisor... hehe

ok today eat island creamery with my team mates, hahas. long time since i eat, this few day really got alot of sudden flash back out of nowhere. from people actions? words? gifts? is like so much think to regret. hahas. but then i just hope i can have enough motivation to strive. hahas =) a smile can be sweet and happy, but then what can it also implies and means?

u tell me how to not to get fat.. u see ar. internship i every day also eat between minute if not sure sleep, then yesterday go to grandma house for a feast then later going bbq. i am already trying my best to slim down!! but difficult eh.. hahas.

i just watched finish a hong kong drama, think kinda menaingful. think 10 years later from now, who is on your mind? does the person leave much impact on you and make you feel like yourself? think hard think back and treasure the person. some cases giving is a bliss, before you regret... ... if you say me. i regretted twice... ... smile guy, for nothing is too much for time to heal nor too long for your heart to heal. mce is really trying to smile and laugh more often... ... =) see me smile and let's smile ^^

after i take back my result ... i totally feel one thing! i totally have no achievements in np and starting to feel tired to continue climbing upwards. got this feeling that the sky will fall soon. hahs................

master of none, interest of all trades

to be honest, i myself know that i can't be master of all trades. the only reason that i am learning so many things is that i am trying to find my passion. yup, i can do many things like guitar, dance, eat desert, drink white wine, badminton, tennis, table tennis and wu shu. but among all the interest, how many of it do i really have passion? the answer is only 1, badminton yet i dont really have the time to always play. And one of my another dream is to play piano, yet too ex and no time to learn =( haiz. that's why i am trying to learn harmonica or other things. cause think of it i am kinda lousy, compare alot of thing i am not as good and i haven had any accomplishment for long time that i feel is great. so i decided to keep on learning new things till i find another passion. constraint i do have, but deep down i know there will be some ways i can over come it. =) i guess i really have some great friends ;-)

first try

Today, after work... feeling kinda bored so decided to go window shopping for a while to see what unique things i could find or special product that could intrigue me.(hahs! i always do that since is free!) Well, atleast i found some. After that start thinking, what could i do since i got internship now. No doubt internship is fun but is not enough to fulfill my desire, walk about, first stop gardian. Thinking:should i buy a dye and dye my hair. Then suddenly my brian whisper: what's so fun about it. then saw some really creative product, thought of buying it. Then my brain whisper again, Haiz no practical use. then suddenly i realise i can use for my self creative project.(however, i don't really have time to spare cause i need the workshop) then decide to cut my hair, then for some reason the guy that cut my hair somehow able to persuade me to dye my hair. Hahs! And i actually listen to him!! i guess is because since i want do something unique. But then, after dye i realise... is nothing special. then i buy an ice-cream and went back home.