i miss, and really miss

hmm.. seems to be so long since i have such a peaceful smile in my heart. the wind seems to be gushing to my mind, the sound of the rain drop seems to match so nicely with the classical music i am listening and the tingling feeling of the rain droping on me really make me feel like i am still in the past living everyday with so much joy and happiness. it really put my heart at ease, smiling through the rain and set me thinking calmly. the touch of the rain drop feel so refreshing and the gushing and howling of the wind seems to be telling me: dont worry... i will come again if you ever need me again. before i went up my house, i said: thank you, thank you for letting me feel at peace and let me realise everything will end, just how fast and soon it will be. lastly i say thank you for leting me remember everything will change but some things will remain in my soul though time and just wait, what meant to be back will be back, for at least I(mother nature) will be there again if you really meet with challenging endeavours again. the smile that i lost so long ago....

if is misunderstanding i still can understand barely, like my past sec school mates, but my heart wont let it pass. however, this time is out of fun, really dont know how to let it down. mce dont want to go to violent path again and vulgar again but... ... i really cant believe someone can actually stop my childishness which i created and make me so serious. or does it just means that is time for me to grow up. is really amazing

there a reason why i am childish and i dont want to get serious. haiz. my life have offically beocme complicted again. i guess i am used to a few month of peaceful life but the fire line have started sparkle again.

i not sure how long has it been since i felt so much negative opinion about one person. i am not even sure if i have this much negative thought about one person before. if u read what i have type, try to talk to me about work and nothing else. just in case i could not hold my temper towards you. this time you really gone overboard.

From now on I will only treat you as a colleague and wont placed any more trust. In the matter of fact I never place trust in people and I am only trying out slowly to be open. I believe in you so I told you a little more about myself than the other and yet I can’t believe you still can play when my family is in concern. As what Binoy as said I should take responsibility in what I do and is my fault in the first place that risk using someone handphone to send the sms. If not u won’t even have a chance to play. From now on I will resume my secondary school forge policy. Anti-trust policy which I set to myself. Sorry, this time round I can’t take any more risk. I am already in a stormy ride with my family now u have successful put it in a tsunami crisis. And I just realize, the more close I am to a person the more harm I will get. Same to the secondary friend which I am close to. Which sparkle the stormy ride in my life. And seriously, I really don’t know other words to use other than the f word. Cause this is F insane. I hope just I won’t use the word hate again. Which I have a extremely bad experiences using the word once to a person i treasure alot in my sec life.

mce wont lead people now. cause i know i still have much to learn and culture before i can bring people to greater heights. but i will lead those willing to follow and believe in the same destination.

u know what make me sad? is when i cant make the people i want happy and not possible to see the person smile.